Frustration.

For a week or two I was feeling very happy and hopeful. But slowly my elation is fading and I'm once again living in the present. Today Coraline was so grouchy. We met up with a few other moms at the park and she cried most of the time and wouldn't play with anyone else. She's 21 months, so I'm guessing its semi-normal to be ill and throw tantrums. My dilemma is I immediately think it's because her teeth are hurting her. It could be that she's tired, or irritated that she can't communicate what she wants. All I hear is, "my teeth hurt mommy. How could you let this happen to me?"

Tonight I feel like I failed. My husband is irritated at my constant worry over gluten contamination and sugar intake. My in laws are visiting soon and I know it will start a fight when they insist we go out to eat. I don't know what to make for dinner that SHE can have and my husband will eat. I feel like I'm doing more than anyone I know has ever tried and it's still not enough.

I want to get digital X-rays but my husband lost our insurance forms and Dr. Gardner still hasn't called us back with a trustworthy dentist. Did I mention that he told us that if a client rejects dental care, pediatric dentists are told in school to call DFACS? I am so worried about my child tonight. So angry this is happening to me. Every time another child smiles with their perfect teeth I just want to look away and hide. Every time Coraline smiles at a stranger I find a way to bring up gluten intolerance, as if I owe them an explanation.
All I have dreamed of is my daughter having the picture perfect childhood that I dreamed of. Self esteem so high that no man could ever knock her down. I feel like I'm failing.

Weekly update

We have been on the Living Streams probiotics for about 2 weeks or so now. Maybe more, I've lost track of time. We are about halfway through the alfalfa, bifido and mineral spray so I am a bit worried as these are NOT cheap. But guess what...

THEY WORK! 

I've had a lot of friends say that they had a whole new baby after getting the dental work done. That's what I've been longing for. I wanted my happy baby so bad. These past 2 weeks she has been absolutely AMAZING! So happy! Singing songs all over the house. Stuffing her face full every single meal and then signing for more. Playing by herself with her babies. Talking...oh boy is she talking! Giving us spontaneous hugs and kisses. She doesn't even cry. Ever! At all! She sleeps all night. (She was waking up crying). I really feel like her dentin that was exposed is lightening up. As if the enamel is growing back over it? Or maybe the enamel before was just translucent? I don't know. I don't care. I'm happy, she's happy. And for now we are just thankful. Thankful she is 21 months today. Another month down. Another month closer to these damn teeth falling out on their own. That's how I look at time. Isn't it pathetic?

Our week has been great though. We bought our herd share from a real and wonderful farm. It's a terrible drive but well worth it. The cows are so happy. The hogs are enormous. The chickens have acres and acres to explore. These animals are so happy and healthy & you can definitely tell in the milk. It's almost yellow because its so creamy. Coraline loves it. 

We also went to Earth Fare for the first time and fell in love. The lady at the counter added me to their "crunchy mom" group and I've made a few local friends. We bought all the Trilogy kombucha my bank account could handle and plenty of bones for broth this week. (Did you know you're supposed to boil beef bones for 2 days?! I didn't! Oops!) 

Then we got all of our awesome ingredients from Earth fare and made paleo pumpkin bread. I got the recipe from Wellness Mama. She rocks. It turned out pretty good. Not very sweet, I think I needed more honey. 

All in all, I'm still hopeful regarding the products and our protocol. I see definite improvement but not sure if its the heaven sent prayer I've been asking for. I keep my faith in The Lord. I've already answered SO many emails, texts and especially FB messages, I feel like there's a reason this happened to us. 

Description of Supplements

Here is a description of everything we use multiple times daily for Coraline's teeth. 

1. Living Streams Probiotics Alfalfa - Alfalfa is high in calcium, magnesium, potassium and carotene. One of the benefits of using alfalfa is that it works to protect the heart and helps with cell division. Since the discovery of alfalfa during the sixth century, alfalfa has been used to aid body functions and correct imbalances.
2.  Living Streams bifido - Bifidobacteria are one variety of “good” bacteria that live in a healthy intestinal tract. Since bifidobacteria exist naturally in your gastrointestinal system, you might guess that nature intends bifidobactera to serve a specific purpose there, and your guess would be correct. Along with many of the other gut flora, which is the collective term for the bacteria that occur naturally in your intestines, bifidobacteria aid in the food digestion process. (This product has been rumored to unlock certain parts of the brain aiding in more loving tendencies. This is very true for our family! I am so attached since starting them that it is borderline annoying!) lol
3. Living Minerals Spray - there is not a write up on this on our Co-op but it is a conjunction of minerals from the Dead Sea that I spray directly onto her teeth multiple times a day.  
4. Hylands cell salts 1- (calc phos) and 8 (magnesium phos) 
5. Hylands Bioplasma - all 12 of the cell salts but in smaller doses 
6. Green pastures fermented cod liver and butter oil - seriously, look this stuff up. It's amazing for the body! The essential mix of vitamins for tooth restoration, beautiful hair/skin, and a healthy body! Weston Price recommends this to heal teeth as well. We take 1 teaspoon a day. Bought from Renewedhealth.com 
7. Spry Xylitol berry mints - coraline's favorite! I give her a mint after every meal because xylitol kills bacteria.  
8. Coconut oil - I put this on her brush with her toothpaste because coconut oil also kills bacteria. It is one of the most amazing things you can consume for your body. Not only is it great internally, but externally as well. There's literally hundreds of uses.  
9. Lemon Earth paste - this is the toothpaste we use. It is made of xylitol, lemon essential oil and Redmond clay. It tastes great. 
10. Black Walnut Extract - is GREAT for killing bacteria and parasites as well as lessen tooth pain and prevent abscess. 

In just a few days I will get my Living Streams Probiotics and I can't wait to start them to get both of our guts right on track. Somedays I feel like I'm working in a nursing home, but I have to remind myself it won't always be this way. In just a few day my sweet girl will be 21 months. It has almost been a year since we noticed the first few spots that we were told was fluorosis. I would love to go back to those days and start all of this then. Hopefully I can help anyone else who is questioning discoloration of their infants teeth. 
Also Dr. Gardener hasn't called me yet so I will probably get in touch with him tomorrow to find the dentist for us. We will probably do the laser frenectomy as soon as possible. 

I want to add this radio broadcast of Wayne Blakely talking and describing his products. He is truly an amazing man.

Paleo Starbucks Lemon Cake with Glaze

I have been craving my favorite Starbucks treats lately. Fall is in the air, pumpkin spice is covering my Instagram feed, and let's face it, being healthy isn't very fun.  So upon my quest for a fall treat that my pooks can eat, I found this recipe for Paleo lemon cake.

 Now, last time I cooked with coconut flour it didn't turn out very well. But THIS...THIS was amazing! 

 I didn't even have vanilla and it turned out perfect. After this, we made more bone broth and completely pigged out! Being healthy doesn't have to be boring. It just takes more work than opening a box. I used Coconut Secret flour from Vitacost (surprise) and local honey. 

Some great books and Facebook pages to check out for recipes like this would be: Beyond Bacon, Paleo Parents and The Coconut Mama.

**It is a day later and I have eaten the whole thing.

Miswak Stick

As if having a great consultation at Tennessee Natural Life dentistry wasn't enough, I came home to five miswak sticks in my mailbox! I have been really excited to try these out as I have heard great things online. Many youtube videos can show you how to use them correctly and Reni ( the owner of the website) is so sweet! If you tell her you heard about her from me she'll send me a free one too. *hint hint* It's great to support WAHM and individuals rather than huge companies.. Although Amazon has gotten a pretty penny from me lately.

So it looks just like a stick. I just chewed off the bark on the outside (very easy & safe to eat) and voila! It's Quidditch and my plaque is the golden snitch! Coraline has yet to chew on it which is what I'm hoping for. Some bark got stuck in her tooth and she freaked. So my goal is to lead by example and eventually she'll catch on. I will keep you updated as to how it's working in a week or so.

The Importance of Second (and third) Opinions

We just moved states and have NO holistic connections where we are now. We don't know anyone to refer us to someone who will listen to me and understand my concerns. Thankfully on my quest to find raw milk in the area, I came across a farmer who said her dentist is very open minded to Weston Price and will listen and help me handle this naturally. It may be unethical to put their names but I think it's important for anyone who may be looking in the area. His name was Dr. Kizer and we got an appointment the day I called. They were very prompt and efficient but unfortunately NOT what I was told they were. We were there maybe ten minutes in which they told me I was not taking this seriously, she needs work under sedation, what I was quoting from Cure Tooth Decay was scientifically impossible and I needed to see a pediatric dentist right away. He called one and we went to see them an hour later.

Now this place, Children's Pediatric Dentistry of Knoxville was very kid friendly. Lots of toys and movies. It Made the long wait easy. Once we to back to the dentist though...oh Lord I will never go back. The chairs were lined like Red Cross patients. Ten kids all lined in a row as a dentist slid chair to chair cleaning/working. Finally got to us, pulled up Coraline's lip and immediately says, "they've got to go, they will get infected and go to her blood stream.  I will get her on our emergency list for extraction right away and silver crowns on all molars." He would not even acknowledge what I was trying to do. Pretty much rolled his eyes as each word crossed my lips. Apparently we could either do the extractions or watch her teeth rot out of her head. No X-rays were taken. This was maybe a ten minute process. He said to try to get state insurance so it won't cost us a thing and he would see us once we got insurance settled out. And hopped along the line to the next child. 

I burst into tears in front of everyone, cried the whole way home, and then realized...I am stronger than this! I am stronger than these people! I will NOT sit by and do whatever they say. I need someone who understands me. I need someone who won't threaten me. I need someone who has read these books and believes in me as a mother. Today was my appointment with holistic dentist Dr. Gardner and he is that person. 

I prayed the night before, I prayed the way there, and I prayed a thank you upon my return.

Not because he is going to fix her teeth. Not because he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. But because he LISTENED to me. He looked me in the eyes. He had heard of Weston Price. He had heard of miswak, xylitol, mercury toxicity, Cure Tooth Decay, acidic and alkaline PH, everything I spoke of. He told me I HAD TIME. TIME is what I need! He told me that remineralization is possible. He said Enamel growth is not, but he believes in bigger forces. He said there is no way to tell is extraction is necessary without x-rays. He believes most dentists believe their textbook theories and are not willing to learn and listen from the holistic community. His office was not equipped for a child as young as Coraline, but he said he will find someone to help me. He will call everyone he knows and call me with names Monday. He is not THE dentist to help us, but he is a huge piece of the puzzle and I am grateful. 

He said I am doing everything right. Doing more than most know how. And at least the front two if not all are salvageable. We won't know without digital X-rays. So maybe tonight I can sleep peacefully. 

I also HAVE to add that he looks exactly like Eric Northman from True Blood while he was under Marnie's  spell. Glasses, skinny, a little geeky. I mean, exactly. It was very hard not to apologize for Nora's death upon exit. 

Dinner - Not Vegan Friendly

I must add the vegan disclaimer because they have handed my ass to me many times. I have many vegan friends. I admire them so much for their passion over animal rights. You are wonderful people. Unfortunately, Cure Tooth Decay and Weston Price have invaded my brain with grassfed meats and dairy being essential so that's what we are currently practicing.

My photo presentation is way off. Wandering baby fingers are most of my bacon and meat before I was finished cooking. We had a local grass fed beef patty seasoned with Real Salt, it was topped with raw goat cheese and AppleGate farms bacon,  a locally grown cucumber and cauliflower boiled in bone broth. She LOVED it! In the morning we are seeing a holistic dentist so I will definitely update what they say. (Pray for us if that's your thing!) 

I also bought some black walnut extract today and have high hopes. Thanks to Leigh for pointing me in the right direction. Coraline let's me put it right on the decay, it supposedly kills all bacteria. Can't wait until tomorrow to see what Dr. Gardener says! 

What Not to Say.

Whenever you encounter someone facing this issue, you may not know what to do. Do you ignore it? Do you ask what's wrong with her teeth? Do you give advice? Here's what NOT to say, (in my opinion). These are the things that make me fume. And they are said to me daily. 

1." That's why I didn't breastfeed!" Or, "you must nurse her all night long!"

2. "Poor baby." This KILLS me. It is the most popular response. I hate it. Absolutely hate it.

3. Have you seen a dentist? What did they say? 

4. You should be using fluoride. 

5. Why are they like that?!

6. She needs to be drinking more milk. 

I understand that to modern culture you believe these things. There has be bountiful research done about early childhood caries, the conclusions are astounding. Do you not think I have asked myself these questions? Do you not think if I thought it was best for my child I would do it? There is one response that is always wonderful. Until that mother trusts you enough to talk to you about the situation all you need to say is...

"What a happy baby and beautiful smile." 

Afternoon lunch.

Being gluten free is hard. It's even harder when you are trying to focus solely on alkaline foods! Our lunch may not be perfect but it's what I have for now and it's yum. 

Supposedly I should avoid fruit as well. I can't possibly cut out gluten, acidic foods, sugar AND fruit all together! So I grill a spinach tortilla in the bacon fat from the morning. Peel some raw organic valley cheese and two pieces of AppleGate ham. Then we put some kale in the food processor (she loves pushing the button) and throw that in there too. I roll it up, pour some bacon grease on top & voila! We either have carrots, cucumbers or grapes as a side. We only drink water for now until we get our herd share worked out. Then we will add raw milk back to this routine. Once or twice a week I can get her to drink some bone broth out of a mason jar. After eating we always follow with water and 2 xylitol candies. 

Drinks her broth right from a straw! Such a champion. I love this baby! 💖

Morning routine.

We wake up. It's a new day! I roll over to these two blue eyes saying, "hey mommy...hey daddy!" A nights sleep not haunted by dental fear tactics, whew. That's refreshing. Together we trot off to morning potty sesh. I scarf down my coffee. Here we go. 

1.) a dropper of alfalfa probiotic, a dropper of bifido probiotics & 4 sprays of living minerals directly on the top four teeth. She loves this part. Her favorite is when I spray her belly too. "Brr, cold!" 

2.) now the hard part. I made the mistake of getting non flavored Green Pastures Fermented Cod Liver and ButterOil. She loved cinnamon. This one is revolting. I try to give her 1/2 a teaspoon. She says no.  Here comes the bargaining. Spry Xylitol candies save the day. "After we take our medicine we get pink candies!" She gulps it down. All is well. 

3.) I make us 2 pieces of bacon and eggs with organic cultured butter, raw cheese and kale. Daddy has chocolate Cheerios. Asshole. She begs for his. He sneaks her one. I hate him. "THERE'S GMOS IN THERE! CHOCOLATE?! GLUTEN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IM DOING AT ALL?!" He tells her mommy said no. I'm the bad guy. I distract her while he finishes his nasty GMOs by letting her push the button on the food processor. He leaves for work. We do our regular SAHM stuff. 

I brush her teeth as well as possible before nap time. A lot of times it's ten minutes of small brushes and fake crying until I hold her hands and get the front teeth as fast as I can. We currently use lemon earth paste but our miswak stick will be here Friday. 2 Bioplasma tablets always follow this debacle. We have Been taking Hylands Bioplasma for many months now. After we finish this bottle of 1000 I am switching to solely cell salts 1 and 2. A mother whose daughters teeth GREW back in my Facebook group (yes with picture and dental evidence) used these with success. I bought both off vitacost for $14. I am a proud vitacost addict. 

I always nurse to sleep at nap time and then ninja slip away to clean, blog, research, etc...

23.

I am young. I am in the south. Many of my school mates have children. Many are the same age as mine. We are not alike. I am not better than them. My brain functions in a way that few can comprehend. I don't doubt that other mothers love their children unconditionally. Isn't that what a mother does? The love I feel for my daughter is stronger than any emotion I have ever endured. The painstaking first heartbreak as an adolescent, the defeat I felt when I dropped out of college, the numbness my childhood was surrounded with...none of it compares to this life I am responsible for. She is everything. She has grown taller and stronger because of a milk my body has made to nourish her. She falls asleep and wakes up by my side everyday. We have never spent a day apart. She is my best friend, my shadow, my whole heart. 

And I will be damned if I let corporate greed make decisions for her. I will get 2500 second opinions. I will travel states. I will go in debt on supplements. I will and have altered my diet so drastically that somedays I go hungry. I eat only what she can have. Somedays it feels like my stomach is eating itself. I crave spaghetti, toast with GMO jelly. Pancakes. Cokes. Instead I eat eggs that are $5 a carton and $7 bacon that lasts 2 days. This is sacrifice. And I am damn strong for doing it. Do you understand this? Somedays I resent my husband so much that I could just cry. Why can't he be the responsible party for this? Why can't he share some of the blame? Regardless of the issue at hand, whether it be gluten intolerance, lip tie, nursing, magnesium deficiency. It is my cross to bear.

2am

It's 2am. My sweet girl is passed out on her daddy as I lay there, numb. These words swivel around my brain. I'm scared to sleep. Scared to wake up and face another day filled with guilt and embarrassment. Resenting my friends and family who don't know this pain. Realizing how selfish that is of me. Am I a bad person for praying for an ally? I don't wish this on anyone. Silent tears hit the pillow. When she's asleep is the hardest time. When she's sleeping I can't hear her laughter. All I hear is the dentist saying "lay off the sugary juices!" "Breastmilk did this!" "Pull all of them!" Do they not know how hard I'm trying? Is anyone intelligent enough to comprehend there are options? When will I find someone who understands? When will this end? 

Maybe I'm an extremist. Maybe I'm the only one who frets so hard and cries everyday over toddler tooth decay. Maybe I'm the only one who feels like they've ruined their daughters childhood. But I'm guessing I'm not, and that is why I'm here.