Wednesday, September 11, 2013
It's 2am. My sweet girl is passed out on her daddy as I lay there, numb. These words swivel around my brain. I'm scared to sleep. Scared to wake up and face another day filled with guilt and embarrassment. Resenting my friends and family who don't know this pain. Realizing how selfish that is of me. Am I a bad person for praying for an ally? I don't wish this on anyone. Silent tears hit the pillow. When she's asleep is the hardest time. When she's sleeping I can't hear her laughter. All I hear is the dentist saying "lay off the sugary juices!" "Breastmilk did this!" "Pull all of them!" Do they not know how hard I'm trying? Is anyone intelligent enough to comprehend there are options? When will I find someone who understands? When will this end?
Maybe I'm an extremist. Maybe I'm the only one who frets so hard and cries everyday over toddler tooth decay. Maybe I'm the only one who feels like they've ruined their daughters childhood. But I'm guessing I'm not, and that is why I'm here.