Frustration.

For a week or two I was feeling very happy and hopeful. But slowly my elation is fading and I'm once again living in the present. Today Coraline was so grouchy. We met up with a few other moms at the park and she cried most of the time and wouldn't play with anyone else. She's 21 months, so I'm guessing its semi-normal to be ill and throw tantrums. My dilemma is I immediately think it's because her teeth are hurting her. It could be that she's tired, or irritated that she can't communicate what she wants. All I hear is, "my teeth hurt mommy. How could you let this happen to me?"

Tonight I feel like I failed. My husband is irritated at my constant worry over gluten contamination and sugar intake. My in laws are visiting soon and I know it will start a fight when they insist we go out to eat. I don't know what to make for dinner that SHE can have and my husband will eat. I feel like I'm doing more than anyone I know has ever tried and it's still not enough.

I want to get digital X-rays but my husband lost our insurance forms and Dr. Gardner still hasn't called us back with a trustworthy dentist. Did I mention that he told us that if a client rejects dental care, pediatric dentists are told in school to call DFACS? I am so worried about my child tonight. So angry this is happening to me. Every time another child smiles with their perfect teeth I just want to look away and hide. Every time Coraline smiles at a stranger I find a way to bring up gluten intolerance, as if I owe them an explanation.
All I have dreamed of is my daughter having the picture perfect childhood that I dreamed of. Self esteem so high that no man could ever knock her down. I feel like I'm failing.